I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
