as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
