I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
