ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
