You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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