im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
