just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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