epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
