I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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