I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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