I molested 6 butterflies tonight
zippers are such a cool invention
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
