the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
