i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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