Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
