I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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