im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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