soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
