Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
