Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
