I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's never too late to be topless.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
