My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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