so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
