I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
