Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
