Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
