Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
