gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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