Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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