dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
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The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I deserve this hangover.
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