I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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