You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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