I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
