i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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