Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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