i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
