someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
