so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
