after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
