I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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