did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
