I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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