sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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