In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
