Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
