just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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