You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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