everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
