everyone is single if you try hard enough
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
