I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
