dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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