I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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