I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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