Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
