I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
