im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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