i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
