Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
